Pretty much how it went down when I started loosing my hair. It started falling out slightly on Monday morning. I completely got ready (showered, blow dried my hair, etc.) didn't notice anything and then all of a sudden I looked down in the sink and saw all the hairs. They had told me 2-3 weeks after first treatment, but for some reason in my head I was hoping for another week. I was feeling great that morning and ready to go to work this week to catch up on work life. So it totally caught me off guard. But then I was like it isn't coming out that much, maybe I can hang on to it for a few days. So I brushed it off....literally the hair on my shoulders...and headed in for my lab work. I go in every Monday to check my blood to make sure my white blood count and other things are looking good. Which they did. I asked my nurse, it started today and how long do you think I had and she was like, I would just shave it now, if your like me I would be more emotional seeing it fall out for days. I got a bit teary eyed, but headed to work.
I park my car in the Water Street garage and was texting a girlfriend and told her it started falling out. She texted "Are you ok?" Then I reached up to my head and pulled out a chunk. Literally a chunk of hair (that wasn't even happening that morning at 9 am, and this was at like 1). I started balling in my car in the parking garage. I really didn't expect it to hit me that hard. I had been preparing for it and expecting to shave it when it happened. But I realized I was kind of expecting a few more days, so it hit me by surprise. So I cried and was super sad about. (Mostly because I only rocked that adorable pixie cut for only 2 weeks).
So then I said out loud to myself "F**k this, I'm taking control back" and texted a few friends to come over the next night to shave my head. When in doubt, surround yourself by amazing people when times are tough...and throw yourself a party.
I know you all see me joking and smiling faces and just want to say, I have my moments, and it is okay to have my low moments. Monday was a high anxiety day. And in all honesty, I wish I shaved my head that night. Because all day Tuesday I was worried I was getting hair everywhere and every time I saw a little hair somewhere I got emotional (also blame menopause I am in). But I did wake up on Tuesday feeling much better and back in control of the situation.
The shaving head party was great! I prefaced by saying "no crying" allowed...which is why my mom was not allowed (love you mom). And I had a few people over (didn't want a lot) to help me shave my head. I sported a mohawk for a few minutes and quite frankly loved that do too. Maybe I'll rock that a bit when my hair starts growing out.
Head rubs feel so good right now. My head is a little sensitive. So it just felt phenomenal.
What I do know, is that I have freaking amazing friends and family. I feel insanely blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people. I feel every text, message, like on Facebook, prayer and just everything. One lesson learned too for me, it is okay to lean on friends, that is what they are there for. I feel like I'm usually the one friends lean on and don't ask for help too much, so that part has been hard (asking for help) but now I get it. Help is good. Family and friends are great. And laughter well, that is freaking amazing.
So THANK YOU for having my back during all of this.
And I know I haven't said this in awhile - but still keep feeling those TATAS! The main reason I'm being so open is to keep awareness...of not just breast cancer, but all things. Know your body and just be aware.
AND try and pull the positive out of what life gives you. We all got somethin' and we all need to get through it our own way.
Dani and her girls and a buzzed head