I will find you...

Here we are 11 days after surgery. Drains removed and I am cancer free!

I have since seen my Plastic Surgeon and my Breast Surgeon. Incisions look good, nips look good, expanders look good, and I have showered...by myself....twice. (hair still needs extra hands on deck)

But note to self, when your doctor calls and talks to you and you just woke up from a hydrocodone /valium filled nap, you should probably pass along the phone to your sober mom. When my doc called with my pathology report, all I heard was we just have to go back in a scrape out a little bit on Friday with no radiation. So I went along to my Plastic Surgeon appointment and he was like, ummm no it will be a little bit "bigger" than what your expecting. But then I saw the Breast Surgeon and its like a medium procedure. I will go under, but only for most an hour and will be out patient. 

Here is what we know.... 

Pathology report came back pretty good. Lymph Node was definitely negative, right breast tissue was negative, but there was a larger "close margin" around the tumor than expected. Margins are the space around the tumor, they can be negative for cancer, positive for cancer, or "close" meaning they could potentially turn into cancer. And it's a sparing game too, because since I did a skin and nipple sparing procedure, they have to save as much skin and tissue to to keep my skin and nips alive, so they have to be careful how much they take. So to be proactive, my doc is heading back in lefty on this Wednesday to scrape out a bit more tissue so I hopeful won't need radiation. Surgery isn't as invasive, going in same incision, shouldn't be more than an hour and out patient.

Most people would probably be upset "well why didn't you get it all the first time." But for me, I see it as a positive. Now we know more about where all this close margin was and the fact that he has to go back in there, you know my doc is going to be extra precise and extra cognitive to make sure he gets all that sh*t out. There really may not be any close margin in there, its mostly proactive. 

I'm still in pain, still can't move my arms much, still have to ask for help...which is getting old...you all know how independent and stubborn I am. 

So here I may get a little too honest with you, but it is really what you guys want to hear right...what do I look like. So I waited until after I saw the Plastic Surgeon to "LOOK." For some reason, I wanted some things to calm down a bit and wait until he said they looked good before I looked. So I finally did. And in all honestly, not too bad, considering what they did. My incisions look small and look like they will heal pretty well. I'll start the expanding process and they will start getting bigger in a few weeks. Then will pump the girls up over the next few months. Then we will exchange the expanders out for new implants around Jan/Feb. I was expecting a nice gift from Santa, but Jan/Feb will do and then they will be right and ready for bikini season to show em off! 

I really have been extremely overwhelmed by all the love, cards, texts, calls, messages, gifts, dinners, flowers, orchids, etc. It is crazy how in times like these, support and having you guys as my team and backers really are important. I'm so incredibly grateful, there really are no words. 

In all honesty the worst thing that happened to me since surgery,...all I wanted to do this past Saturday night was to relax by myself and watch an old DVD of Last of the Mohicans. I got all settled in (which is a big process as you can imagine), opened the DVD and NO FREAKING CD! worst feeling ever. Last of the Mohicans is obviously an amazing movie and one of my favorites, but it was also one of my Grandma Tunnie's favorites, and I remember as a kid going over to her house and watching her recorded tape of it (this is my grandma who fought the big BC too) and whom has been close to my heart during this process. 

But don't worry Daniel Day-Lewis...I will find you...no matter how long it takes, no matter how far.....I will find you.....

Goes for that last bit of "close margin" left too...

We will find you. 

Just like I found "clawrilla"

Now for that waterfall scene that all of us girls dream about...I WILL still be waiting for that. 

Dani and the new girls.